Like a Virgin- Blogging for the very first time: Studying can wait

I should be studying right now, but I'm too filled with this very strange string of emotions to concentrate on Nutrition. I want to be very careful with my words because what I want to talk about is something quite real, personal to more people than just me, and not something I will claim to be an expert on.

Last week, while I was studying, my sister called me and asked if I had heard about Momo. {"Momo" is what we call my dad's mom} My sister explained to me that she was not doing well and that the doctor's had actually given her 3 days to live. It came as a shock to me, not because she is in her 60's, vivacious, and in the prime of life, but because besides some memory loss (that has been becoming increasingly serious) as far as we knew, she was getting along fine and my mom's dad ("Daddy Bob") was really the one I worried about. Getting to talk to my dad while he was on his way home from visiting her was one of my favorite conversations with him I think I've had. He probably has no idea (until he reads this). His outlook was new. It wasn't what I expected, but it really woke me up. He said that on his way down there, his constant prayer was that his mom would hold on long enough for him to get to say his goodbye. He knew that the trip down there would be for HIM to say goodbye and have closure, because as it was, Momo was unresponsive for the most part. He explained to me that he was sad, but that he was happy for her. When my sister had called me to tell me about her a few days before, I was so frustrated with myself because I was so numb! Nothing was penetrating me. Hearing my dad on the phone was the wake up call I needed. Life is fleeting and this world is not all it's cracked up to be.

What really made my world spin was the next thing- a few days later, my mom told me that Daddy Bob (her dad) had taken a turn for the worst and wasn't looking much more promising than Momo. I think that as a "child" if you will, when it comes to losing grandparents, your heart hurts more for your parents than anything else. Talking to them about what is going on is so twisted to me because my sadness comes mainly from the thought of putting MYSELF in their position. Timing is funny like that because as life goes, you are taken care of...then you meet someone you love enough to take care of other little ones together...you grow them right, teach them the do's and the don'ts....and when they're off having little ones of their own I suppose you realize that you've done a good job. You've worked hard and now you can play hard. That means having fun...spoiling your grandchildren.....

{Like when Granny made me chocolate chip pancakes when I spent the night, and homemade fried chicken when I didn't realize what an ordeal that was. Like when Momo made us all our easter dresses and gave me the beloved pink pillow case I devoted a whole blog to and just don't sleep right without. Like when Daddy Bob let me drive his golf cart up and down the alley until I was blue in the face. He taught me how to do a U-turn. Like when Momo and Paw-paw let me decorate their fire place with paper "Christmas decorations" because I just thought it was plain wrong to not have some form of a Christmas tree and presents, whether they were paper or not. Like when Daddy Bob always told me I needed to leave a quarter under my plate if I was going to eat the food his wife made. And like when I laughed at him and ate it for free. Like every time Momo told me she's the luckiest lady in the world to have grand daughters as "good lookin'" as the ones she's got every time I saw her...and as the years went on, at least 6 times each time I saw her. Like when Daddy Bob and I would put corn kernels on our two front teeth at family meals so it looked like we had yellow teeth. Like when Granny had tea parties with me even though with her arthritis it was hard for her to hold those tiny cups. And how I can still hear her saying "Waiiiilllll, who's that I hear?!" as she turned her head to the left to see which one of us was walking inside as she sat at her usual spot on the couch watching TV. And though I don't remember terribly much from being little, I remember the way it sounded when she sang to me "You are my Sunshine." Like Momo's Friendship bread and chopped fruit that she never visited without. And like learning, after he's gone, that my knack for writing and fascination with words comes from "Paw-paw", my dad's dad. How I wish I could conversations with him now.}

Today, Momo is still holding on, but today Daddy Bob got to go home. All this has really had me in a mushy gushy "let's think about life" mood. I wish I could tell you that if it was my time to be called home that I would be ready with no regards. But as a single 20 year old in my second year of college, I can't say that death doesn't scare me. It does. The things that are important to me now will change. But what I can't wait for is to be where I know Momo is, and Daddy Bob was...I can't wait to feel comfort in knowing that the ones I loved, I have taught to love and live successfully enough that I know they don't need my help anymore. To know that leaving this earth means being reunited with the love of my life who has left me feeling slightly empty ever since they slipped away, and more importantly to know that it means seeing my Savior face to face, and being in a place where I'll feel no more pain. To know that I've done my time on this earth well; and now I am free..........free...........free.

I know that I think too much, but when you're not good at math, science, or anything else logistic, I think you have a tendency to do that. I'll finish with the prayer I prayed for them yesterday, "Father, they have lived fully, loved well, and left a legacy. I pray for a relief of pain. I pray that as they leave they would feel strong again. Please let them leave without reservation; let them know that we're taken care of. Lord, let them know how much they are loved and that they have done a good work in preparing us to carry on in their absence. Thank you for everything I have learned from them in the short, short time I have known them. I pray that as I grow, you would eventually bless me with the feeling of readiness. What a positively peculiar feeling it must be to be ready to accept death. To know that this world has nothing left to offer you, and that heaven is only a matter of time away is a sweet, sweet mystery. Thank you for blessing them with the chance to uncover that."