Cheers…..to a great first day of school. As I sit outside of my ballet class 30 minutes early, I am reminded of the extra 30 minutes I gave myself last year that was fully spent wondering around with my fingers crossed. A&M is a huge campus, and even bigger/more complicated for someone as directionally challenged as myself. It’s SO weird being back as a sophomore! It was incredibly liberating to be able to tell the woman stationed at the top of the stairs at the Read building to help people find their way, that I knew where I was headed.
Last night, as un-excited as I was to start school, I still had a case of the “first-day-jitters” as I found it impossible to fall asleep despite how tired I was. I spent a lot of time thinking about the year and all it would entail. This year, I am trying to make a conscience effort to always consider, not WHAT I’m living for, but WHO I’m living for. Lately, the Lord has given me a real passion for obedience, and a fire to be encountered. I have experienced what it is to reap the benefits of walking closely with the Father, and now there’s no turning back!
I have the chance this year to start it out right. I want to get to the point where spending one-on-one time with God is not something to check off of my list, but something that I can’t get through my day without. I believe that’s what God wants for us…to just be needed. He’s like any other Dad whose day can be made with a phone call, or a text just to say, “I love you”. I haven’t been texting God lately, but I do believe it’s the same sort of idea. If we just admit that we have no control and give back to God what is His in the first place, doesn’t that make life easier?
A big topic that helped mark my Summer was that of holding on to things in our life. I think that it took me hearing the advice I was giving my kampers, and then taking a step back to re-examine the way I live myself, before I really understood this whole subject. An awesome analogy that my sister shared with me is that, as humans, we keep our fists clenched tightly, holding on to the things of this world, and one by one, God peels our fingers back, trying to get us to just let go. The things we know we can give up to God, but can’t muster up enough trust to hand them over, are the things that hold us back from a real, walking, talking, encountering, romantic, desperate, perfect, bright, and just plain happy relationship with our Maker.
I finally was convicted enough to practice what I preached recently, because after something I always knew to be true was vocalized…by me…I realized that it really IS just as simple as it sounds! The point: NOTHING bad can come from a full reliance on Jesus. It’s always been simple. God has been romancing us all our lives, but we don’t notice until we DECIDE to notice. He leaves sweet reminders of His hand in our lives all over life’s path. We can keep tripping over them like we have always done, or we can broaden our view, take off our blinders, and appreciate the sweet reminders for what they are.
It’s true, God is not tangible. Sometimes we don’t feel His presence. But that’s faith. Faith is believing in what you KNOW and have EXPERIENCED to be true instead of what you SEE to be fact. One of my campers in cabin 11 said it perfectly when she explained a spiritual revelation in her own life that came from NOT feeling God. She explained that just because she did not feel the spirit moving through her at that dry phase in her life, she could cling to the times when he did encounter her, and for that reason she said, “so I worship anyway.” Faith cannot be based on a kamp high, or faith would fade as soon as the world was on attack, but deciding to stand up and worship even without that tingly feeling inside is really getting more to the point of worship if you ask me. Isn’t worship about God? Yeah, it’s a cool bonus when we feel good doing it, eyes closed and arms lifted high, but…shouldn’t it probably be one of the most selfless things we do?
So I don’t know…next time I worship at church or at Breakaway…I’ll probably feel good doing it. But what about when I had a terrible day and it was easy to blame God for what happened? Will I stand up and sing along still, or will I be selfish and make the one thing in my day that was supposed to be for God…about me? I’ll have to see I guess, but it is rather convicting to consider, huh? Anyway……..that’s it for now, dear readers. Hope you enjoyed the glimpse into my first day of school and the things besides Ballet, Modern, and Psychology that were going on in my head
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