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I am having such a hippie moment, but for whatever reason, I was hit like a bullet with how stinking humongous, overwhelming, massive, uncontainable, unapproachable, indescribable, unimaginable, uncontrollable, can't-put-to-words-ably BIG God is.

To me, in this moment, right now- GOD IS BIGGER THAN EVER. It is literally frustrating me that the English language (or any language for that matter) does not even have the words to put to words how incredibly, impossibly BIGGGG Jesus is.

You should know that today was a normal Thursday. In the middle of praying, I just stopped, and with my eyes closed meditated on His enormity. Pictures pop up in my head, but nothing in my mind's eye creates an even close to accurate image of this majesty.

Here's my prayer
"Dear God,
I don't even get you. I write you these letters every day because I know you're real and I know you hear me But I cannot even begin to understand you. I want to fully let go of my life and give it to you. I can't tell if I'm still holding on though.

I know that you hate pride. I want you to take all of mine away. I want to only boast in you. Really, I mean it. My life is too short to waste time.

I need so much guidance. When I am called on, I want it to be YOU who answers. My words are insufficient- I am no good. I never thank you for my family's health. I take it and mine for granted every single day, but I can always find something to complain about.

I want to live by faith. I BEG that you would show me! All I have to know and trust is that there is nothing bad that can come from walking fully, completely surrendered to you. Arms spread wide, eyes closed, palms to the sky. Lord, you LEAD me!

When I refocus my vision to you, worry fades. Make my stress, my lust, my problems, my friends, my time, my talent, my EVERYTHING become less so that you may become more EVERYTHING!!

I can't see you. Sometimes I don't even feel you. Oh, but I trust you. Oh, how I trust you. You intrigue me. You are so BIG. You ARE magnificence. You DEFINE holy. Father, I don't even know what holy is apart from you. You are splendor. I pray that you would burst out of, and DESTROY the box I have built for you because YOU DON'T FIT INSIDE OF IT! aalkjf a;lkdjs dsal;jkf

I don't get you. I never will. You are un-gettable. You are God.

Your child,
Bethany"

For whatever reason, I am beside myself. What if I always remembered to live like I am constantly beside myself?

Nothin but love,
Bethany